Why
do
we
make
excuses
for the
people
that
hurt
us
?

There are just too many scenarios.

Maybe if I keep thinking decent thoughts, I can push all the bad ones out.

But…
I mean..
At this very moment-
-
I can’t think of any.

Today has been a tough day.
Some nice mind-numbing television should help. As should some good posts.

Sleep.
Why do you elude me?
I have done nothing but love you.
Thoughts.
Why do you pester me?
The hours I should be with my love
But instead
I am stuck in this trance of sadness and destructiveness With you.
Sleep.
Be my lover once again.
Let’s dance away into eternity together.
Sleep.
Be my friend.

k-3nz:

do you ever stop and realize that people probably discuss you from time to time when you arent around to witness it

not even in a specifically positive or negative way just like

people mention you, or think of you, you occur to people sometimes

thats the most unnerving thing that i can think of, thats so weird, that i exist to people when im not even interacting with them

While I was outside at work and it started getting closer to closing time…I started thinking.

Two things:

1) Why don’t I attract my peers of the opposite sex?

2) What my cousin said the other day…the huge rant about loving yourself and letting other people do what they want (here). Well….I kinda started thinking about it. And I realized something, he’s becoming such an asshole. He was the sweeter of the two, and now he thinks he’s better than everyone else because he fucking works out and shit. He keeps trying to put everyone else down. You know what? He can suck his own steroid-inflicted shriveled up balls. If he tries to put me down even once, if he even tries to IMPLY something of the sort, he is out. Of my thoughts, my head, my conversations, all of it. 

I REALLY don’t like bullies, guys. 

I wish I could have the guts and the motivation to do something exciting with my life.

And this has been - a late night thought.

Everyone is always looking for that person.

I’m fucking scared shitless. 

When people know me too well, I get really nervous and worried and scared.

The thought of them knowing what I’m thinking scares me beyond reason.  The thought of someone understanding almost each and everyone of my feelings is paralyzing. 

I mean…I want that….I think?

Whatever. Fuck it. I’m going to go and cuddle my cat. 

I really hate being a teenage girl.

My mind is running at wild, and I can’t fucking stand anything right now. I just want to be completely alone. But I want to cuddle. But I want to be with EVERYONE. My mind can’t decide a DAMN THING. I don’t understand anything that’s going on.  I’m usually soooo good at understanding things, people, and emotions; but my own are so completely Jovian to me.  I want to be able to just shout everything that I feel but I don’t even know what I’m feeling. 

SO. MUCH. FUCKING. ANGST.

And now I’m afraid of everything. Of change. Of forgetting. Of leaving my room. Of being with people that used to mean the WORLD to me, and now they can’t even say TWO FUCKING SENTENCES to me. Yeah, thanks. That was just dandy.  I should just stop giving a crap. But my mind won’t let me.

I want out. Of everything. Of my mind.

She had it right.

I need to read something by someone crazy.

Oh Plath, here I come.