It Ends Here.
This is where it all comes down to; everything that is, will be, or has been. I stop here. It all stops here. I'm 19. I'm a female. I go to college. I'm not sure about much of anything. And that's okay with me.
hey guys….going through a rough time now, my cat, has an incurable disease and will have to be put down in a couple of days, so…….yea….just thought you guys should know………
OH MY WORD JESSIE NO NOT NERO I JUST GOT REALLY REALLY UPSET.
Oreo’s brother nooooo.
Guys this was my other cat’s brother! He ran away and is not longer mine
BUT THIS IS REALLY SHITTY NEWS.
NO THIS REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.
I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS.
Huge headache this whole day and my mom is having a cleaning fiasco and I am literally up at 4 in the morning fucking cleaning and my head is pounding but I can’t sleep because my bed is literally covered in crap my mom wants me to throw away and it hurts so bad and I just want to sleep and I have class tomorrow and I just want to cuddle with someone that will play with my hair and fall asleep together and we’ll wake up and he’ll drive me to school and they’ll call me out of work tomorrow and then we’ll talk the while day and he’ll help me figure out things and I’ll help him figure stuff out and we’ll be happy and then we’ll move away together and I’ll never have to see certain people and maybe I’ll get out of this slump I’ve been in since I was like 14 but fucking shit my head hurts so bad and nothing like that is going to happen to me ever and this fucking headache is so bad I’m almost fucking crying and if I want to sleep I have to clean but it hurtssss
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I am horrible
Despicable, even.
How does the universe even create something as disgusting as me?
Holy fuck.
I am the scum of the galaxy.
I don’t deserve anything.
Fucks fuckity fuck shit.
I am relieved.
And it’s fucking repulsive.
I can’t even believe how I can be so revolting.
I am ass flavoured bean in Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans bag of the cosmos.
I am sickening.
I know I’m completely over what happened with us.
But why do I keep trying to stay in contact!?
It’s completely obvious to everyone how much you completely despise me.
I just thought we could at least be civil.
Apparently not.
So hooray it’s the Fourth of July, I got out of work early and went to hang with the family. My sister gets rushes me so we can get a spot to see the fireworks, and A good thing we rushed, too! There was traffic for an hour plus 30 min to find parking. Anywho, it’s the Fourth of July, and we’re at the pier looking at the skyline of NYC. I’m with my cousins. Huge crowds.
So I’m with my cousin and my step-brother…they are your typical semi-urban males.
NOW FOR MY RANT:
THEY WOULD NOT LET ANYONE PASS BY WITHOUT MAKING A COMMENT ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE. Holy fucking shit. And it wasn’t like “Oh look at her hair it’s a mess” it was more like “Why doesn’t she just die because if were her man I would rather kill her than be with her with her hair that ugly.” I know they weren’t serious about most of what they say but you know….it’s still fucking wrong.
I thought they were playing, until my cousin says something along the lines of this: “I will never ever marry anyone who isn’t thin. As soon as I find out she doesn’t eat right and work out, I’ll show her the door. And if this happens after we’ve been together for a while, I’ll still dump her. My woman can’t let herself go.”
I CANNOT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS EVERYTHING I WAS FEELING AT THAT MOMENT. But fuck it, I’ll try.
So disappointed. I didn’t think he was that shallow. It’s okay that he wants his significant other to look good….but he mentioned something like “if she doesn’t go to the gym at least twice a week, she ain’t for me.” I can’t. I CAN?T COMPREHEND. I also understand wanting her not let herself go. Because I just understand, and I’m not going to like a whole fucking paragraph about how i fucking understand, but I do. But he gave his “dream girl” a 5 lbs - MAYBE 10 lbs, depending on how thin she is - wiggle room. After that, it’s over. AND MY YOUNGER COUSIN AGREED. SHE FUCKING AGREED. AS DID MY STEP BROTHER.
He’s just a bully.
And I don’t like bullies.
It’s not just today, either. I’m going into a deeper, more personal rant here, so I’ll put one of those…
[edit: there is so much profanity in this “read more” rant. I didn’t even notice, that’s how rant-y and angry I was]
So I’m going to think happy thoughts and try to maintain control.
Going to watch a movie or six.
I feel like everyone is going through something intense tonight…is it just me with that feeling?
Stop.
I cannot consciously let myself have a crush on a kid that’s barely in high school.
Like…forreal?
What?
The fuck?
What am I doing with my life?
Am I this desperate for affection?
I need to drink some cold water and have a stern talking to with myself.
Cause right now, I am fucking WALLIN’!
