I’m so sorry for the size of it. If you actually read it at all, I probably won’t believe you.

So hooray it’s the Fourth of July, I got out of work early and went to hang with the family. My sister gets rushes me so we can get a spot to see the fireworks, and A good thing we rushed, too! There was traffic for an hour plus 30 min to find parking. Anywho, it’s the Fourth of July, and we’re at the pier looking at the skyline of NYC. I’m with my cousins. Huge crowds. 

So I’m with my cousin and my step-brother…they are your typical semi-urban males.

NOW FOR MY RANT:

THEY WOULD NOT LET ANYONE PASS BY WITHOUT MAKING A COMMENT ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE. Holy fucking shit. And it wasn’t like “Oh look at her hair it’s a mess” it was more like “Why doesn’t she just die because if were her man I would rather kill her than be with her with her hair that ugly.”  I know they weren’t serious about most of what they say but you know….it’s still fucking wrong. 

I thought they were playing, until my cousin says something along the lines of this: “I will never ever marry anyone who isn’t thin. As soon as I find out she doesn’t eat right and work out, I’ll show her the door. And if this happens after we’ve been together for a while, I’ll still dump her. My woman can’t let herself go.”

I CANNOT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS EVERYTHING I WAS FEELING AT THAT MOMENT. But fuck it, I’ll try. 

So disappointed. I didn’t think he was that shallow. It’s okay that he wants his significant other to look good….but he mentioned something like “if she doesn’t go to the gym at least twice a week, she ain’t for me.” I can’t. I CAN?T COMPREHEND. I also understand wanting her not let herself go. Because I just understand, and I’m not going to like a whole fucking paragraph about how i fucking understand, but I do. But he gave his “dream girl” a 5 lbs - MAYBE 10 lbs, depending on how thin she is - wiggle room. After that, it’s over. AND MY YOUNGER COUSIN AGREED. SHE FUCKING AGREED. AS DID MY STEP BROTHER. 

He’s just a bully.

And I don’t like bullies. 

It’s not just today, either. I’m going into a deeper, more personal rant here, so I’ll put one of those… 

[edit: there is so much profanity in this “read more” rant. I didn’t even notice, that’s how rant-y and angry I was]

One of my Facebook Friends posted something like “Why are all these fat bitches wearing two-pieces? LOL” 37 likes this kid got.

 I WANTED TO RIP HIS FACE OFF. WHAT THE FUCK. IF ANYONE FEELS CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO PUT ON A TWO-PIECE, LET THEM.

Do you have any fucking IDEA how long of a journey that is? To feel that confident? In a two-peice, you are basically bearing it all. Everything you usually try to hide behind layers of clothes or bags or anything, you are letting the world see. If anyone feels THAT confident, we should fucking celebrate that shit. And fuck that bullshit about “knowing what to wear for your weight” SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you feel good in it, wear it. If you want to accentuate your breasts, have your cleavage out, put them out there for the world to see! If you just want to wear something because you think it looks cute, go the FUCK FOR IT.

This summer, I have gone through a transformation of sorts. Yeah, I know what looks good for my body, and I’m sticking to it. Not because I agree with this FUCKING SHIT FACED IDIOTS, but because I lack the confidence to do anything else. But I’m taking baby-steps. That dress I wore a couple days/weeks ago? Both my shoulders were out, and it had no sleeves. That’s kindof a big thing for me…I REALLY don’t like my arms. They are fat, and gross, ESPECIALLY when you see my shoulders. And I did it…I wore a strapless dress. And if you didn’t like seeing my arms - FUCK YOU. IT WAS FUCKING HOT AS BALLS IN A SAUNA. If someone said anything, though, thank goodness I didn’t hear them. I’d probably never wear that dress again.

So My mind has opened up to so much. I don’t ever EVER go “ew what is she wearing” or “what does she think she’s doing.” At all. I used to think that. Mostly when I saw really heavy girls in shorts or in tank tops with no bra on and their tits sagging. I don’t even bat an eye anymore. She is comfortable. She is alright with how she looks. She is ALRIGHT. SHE IS FUCKING HAPPY. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL HER WHAT SHE HAS TO LIMIT HERSELF TO BECAUSE YOU CAN’T STAND TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID OF. THAT’S RIGHT, I’M LETTING THE BIG ASS CAT OUT OF THE SHIT BAG. I’M LETTING THE YOU KNOW. You know what I used to think when I saw a REALLY fat person jiggling around? “Oh my god, I don’t ever want to be like that. That person has no self control. I’ve got plenty. But still, if I look ever look like that, or get near to that, I’m going to get surgery or something.” I was afraid of becoming what I was making fun off. BUT FUCK THAT FUCKING SHIT. IF I WANT TO GET FAT, I AM GOING TO GET FUCKING FAT. IF I WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT, I’M GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT….maybe…it’s harder than it looks people. IF THIS PERSON LOVES THEM SELF ENOUGH TO WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE IN A TOWEL, EVERYONE CAN GO EAT SHIT, LET THAT PERSON DO IT.  

I have seen older woman dress in things I never thought they would even think of wearing. But I’ve talked to them…and they LIGHT UP when they see something that someone else would deem “too young” for them. SHE’S EIGHTY AND WANT TO WEAR SHORTS SHORTS? FUCK OFF. BITCH LIKES SHORTS SHORTS! LET HER WEAR SHORTS SHORTS!

DO YOU. BE HAPPY.