My mind is running at wild, and I can’t fucking stand anything right now. I just want to be completely alone. But I want to cuddle. But I want to be with EVERYONE. My mind can’t decide a DAMN THING. I don’t understand anything that’s going on. I’m usually soooo good at understanding things, people, and emotions; but my own are so completely Jovian to me. I want to be able to just shout everything that I feel but I don’t even know what I’m feeling.
SO. MUCH. FUCKING. ANGST.
And now I’m afraid of everything. Of change. Of forgetting. Of leaving my room. Of being with people that used to mean the WORLD to me, and now they can’t even say TWO FUCKING SENTENCES to me. Yeah, thanks. That was just dandy. I should just stop giving a crap. But my mind won’t let me.
And it’s completely unfair. I LOOOOVE being sick, don’t get me wrong. No sarcasm, I thoroughly enjoy sickness, but I highly dislike it when I have things to do.
Like forreal? You really gon’ play me like that, Immune System?
I’m supposed to go to Six Flags tomorrow at an ungodly hour, and I’ve done nothing but sleep, drink OJ, and mope around ever since I got home from school. I still feel horrible. I had soup and theraflu. But shit, nothing is helping! And if I can’t go to Six Flags, too bad. But I would feel HORRIBLE if I couldn’t go to Atlantic City. If I can’t go, my little cousin can’t go. :( And that sucks, ‘cause I actually wouldn’t mind spending a bunch of time with Oli!
I am so confused. Something I thought was over with, isn’t - even after we cleared it up and we made sure it what I thought was done WAS done. And now something I never really considered, is, and I’m not sure what to make of it. But I like the distant now! The now is wonderful and can’t really say other than the things the now knows!
I am being cryptic only because it’s personal. Only I really need to be able to understand it.
I watched an hour of Family Ties and an hour of Wonder Years. D:
I am so pathetically in nostalgia mode. I used to LOOOOOOVE these shows. They make me so ridiculously sad, though. I mean, they aren’t supposed to, but they do. I think that’s the whole nostalgia bit. Hrmph. Whatevs.